Today I was asked a question, "Do you ever wake up and not know who you are? You just feel kind of empty and running around not real sure where you're headed?" My first response, "Yeah. I do. Especially times like now when life is getting ready to change drastically and I only have ideas in my head of where I can go. I just feel like I keep working, keep treading water, but that's all I'm doing is just treading water...not really moving." After a while however, I stopped and I thought about it. No. I should always know who I am. A daughter of the King. It doesn't matter what I'm going through, what my work load is, what my life is throwing at me. It doesn't matter if I have just an idea or the exact place I'm going to be 8 months from now. I'm still chosen, hand picked, saved by grace, and loved by the Savior. So, the real answer is, "No. I don't. I'm a daughter of the King. Want to know Him?" Maybe one day God will give me the opportunity to answer that question again and I pray that He does because I missed a great opportunity to share the gospel because of my own chaotic build up of things in life...but, I guess you can only see them when you remember whose you are...a child of the Ancient of Days, held in the mighty hand of God, never ever ever to be let go.
Next time you're asked something like that...just stop. Put yourself aside. Remember whose you are.
On His adventure,
Laurlee <3
"Be strong and courageous, and act; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you nor forsake you..." 1 Chronicles 28:20
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
1,000 Other Things
Growing up you hear, "live in the moment. love others. enjoy life. have fun. cherish the moments you have with the ones you love". And it's true but, I don't think that as kids (or teenagers or sadly, even adults) we grasp that concept. Kids are so carefree. They love endlessly. They enjoy the moments and figure out how to make the most of them without having to think about it. Even when we are in high school living without a care in the world comes fairly easy...mom and dad still pay for everything (or most everything unless they are trying to teach you responsibility and occasionally make you pay for gas or car insurance or your movie ticket...but you get the point...you're cared for under mom and dad) and there really aren't too many responsibilities (i.e. you don't have to make sure the whole house is clean just that your list of chores is done, you don't have to make every meal or grocery shop, or make appointments, or get the oil changed in the car, or do the laundry (okay at least not all of it), find apartments, find jobs, work (which means learning to budget)...do you get what I'm trying to say?). But, what happens when all of the sudden you grow up. Mom and Dad are still there but independence is coming your way -- quick. At least for me, responsibility is coming too. (Yeesh. I'm beginning to hate that word.) And, you know what else came -- BUSY LIFE. There I said it and I'm about fed up with it. And you know what else I'm fed up with...probably not so I'll tell you...I'm fed up with (and this includes myself) people saying, "I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed. or, I just don't have time for anything anymore" when you ask them how they are. It's getting ridiculous...in my life as well. I don't know if you have a personality like me, but if you do I'm extremely sorry because I understand how difficult it is to slow your life down and to simply not do anything for even just five minutes.
Let me just set up a scenario for you: Last semester I had class work, research work, a job, church, bible study, and a boyfriend:), oh, and at some point I had to take care of my body. Busy doesn't even begin to describe what I felt. The time I got to spend with my boyfriend guess what I was doing? Dishes. Laundry. Homework. Research. Cleaning. Cooking. My life was out of control and it was hurting my whole life. I "didn't have time" to just stop and enjoy being with him. I "didn't have time" to stop and be with my Savior. I "didn't have time" to be consistent with my small group. I "didn't have time" to sit in front of the t.v. and play video games. It led to frustration and bitterness and one day I just broke...now let me tell you how it ended...
I went to work the Monday after I broke and I looked at one of the older women who lost her husband 15 years ago and whom I am gaining a lot of respect for, and told her what happen and she just looked at me with one of the most gentle smiles and said, "You mean to tell me that you can't just stop and enjoy this boy that you love so much? Oh, Honey, I see so much of me in you. I always had to be busy doing something but, let me just tell you. I'd give anything to be sitting on our couch doing absolutely nothing with my husband again...even if I was just curled up next to him reading a book. Life doesn't slow down so you've got to." When you hear statements like those from people who have experienced a loss it hits you a little differently...or maybe just hearing it again when your 21 instead of 15 it hits you differently. I took her advice...oh man...life got so much better. You just begin to realize it's okay to put dishes in the dishwasher and leave them there until it's full. That it's okay to leave a pile of clean clothes on the floor for a day or two (sorry mom!). That it's okay to stay on vacation til the last possible minute. That's it's okay if you don't workout every day just to spend time with the people you love. That it's okay if you take off a day of work to go do something special. That it's okay if you...well you fill in the blank. Obviously there is a line between being lazy and just slowing your life down (of course there are still responsibilities you must take care of...but if the kitchen floor doesn't get swept for a week or two or if you have to leave the mold in the fridge for a day or two longer...who cares...) but, once you find it...oh what a difference it will make. I know. I'm only 21 and I have a lot to learn but you know what, I'm glad I learned this lesson now instead of when I'm married and have a family because I would have missed out on a lot. If you're always feeling burnt out and tired...stop. look at your life. and fire extinguish...don't try to put out the entire forest in one day. You'll miss out on your kids growing up. Dating your best friend. Or even, maybe, what the Lord has for your life. Just enjoy life. Learn along the way. And remember, when life gives you lemons, make a crazy fish face ;)
On His adventure,
Laurlee <3
Let me just set up a scenario for you: Last semester I had class work, research work, a job, church, bible study, and a boyfriend:), oh, and at some point I had to take care of my body. Busy doesn't even begin to describe what I felt. The time I got to spend with my boyfriend guess what I was doing? Dishes. Laundry. Homework. Research. Cleaning. Cooking. My life was out of control and it was hurting my whole life. I "didn't have time" to just stop and enjoy being with him. I "didn't have time" to stop and be with my Savior. I "didn't have time" to be consistent with my small group. I "didn't have time" to sit in front of the t.v. and play video games. It led to frustration and bitterness and one day I just broke...now let me tell you how it ended...
I went to work the Monday after I broke and I looked at one of the older women who lost her husband 15 years ago and whom I am gaining a lot of respect for, and told her what happen and she just looked at me with one of the most gentle smiles and said, "You mean to tell me that you can't just stop and enjoy this boy that you love so much? Oh, Honey, I see so much of me in you. I always had to be busy doing something but, let me just tell you. I'd give anything to be sitting on our couch doing absolutely nothing with my husband again...even if I was just curled up next to him reading a book. Life doesn't slow down so you've got to." When you hear statements like those from people who have experienced a loss it hits you a little differently...or maybe just hearing it again when your 21 instead of 15 it hits you differently. I took her advice...oh man...life got so much better. You just begin to realize it's okay to put dishes in the dishwasher and leave them there until it's full. That it's okay to leave a pile of clean clothes on the floor for a day or two (sorry mom!). That it's okay to stay on vacation til the last possible minute. That's it's okay if you don't workout every day just to spend time with the people you love. That it's okay if you take off a day of work to go do something special. That it's okay if you...well you fill in the blank. Obviously there is a line between being lazy and just slowing your life down (of course there are still responsibilities you must take care of...but if the kitchen floor doesn't get swept for a week or two or if you have to leave the mold in the fridge for a day or two longer...who cares...) but, once you find it...oh what a difference it will make. I know. I'm only 21 and I have a lot to learn but you know what, I'm glad I learned this lesson now instead of when I'm married and have a family because I would have missed out on a lot. If you're always feeling burnt out and tired...stop. look at your life. and fire extinguish...don't try to put out the entire forest in one day. You'll miss out on your kids growing up. Dating your best friend. Or even, maybe, what the Lord has for your life. Just enjoy life. Learn along the way. And remember, when life gives you lemons, make a crazy fish face ;)
On His adventure,
Laurlee <3
Friday, April 22, 2011
Time and Time Again...
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth DOES NOT become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." -Isaiah 40:28-31
How many times have you read that passage? How many times have you continued to sit with fear and in disobedience because you could not trust because you cannot see the end? If you're asking me specifically I am in the middle of that type of season in my life right now. There is so much uncertainty and confusion and the worst part is I have absolutely no control over it and for whatever reason I am struggling with getting my heart to trust my God even though I know that "My frame was not hidden from You...Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me...how precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand..."(Psalm 139:15-18). How sad is that? My heart is struggling to trust the "Creator of the ends of the earth..." (Isaiah 40:28) Why? Because, I am struggling to get my mind to stop planning and to just enjoy the moments and the days that God has given me. But why? Because the days are filled with busyness that causes stress that makes my brain, as a planner, run wild with trying to keep everything organized so I don't fall apart. But you know what? I have fallen apart. I can't hold things together...and you know what else? I'm not suppose to. "For the sun rises with a scorching wind and withers the grass; and its flower falls off and the beauty of its appearance is destroyed; so too the rich man in the midst of his pursuits will fade away." (James 1:11) But what does that mean? It means that all of these things that get in the way of me just stopping to enjoy life and completely trusting my Savior who "knows the plans HE has for me..."(Jeremiah 29:11) in the long run aren't what is important even though in the here and now they matter.
Let me give an example of what I'm talking about so you don't think I've gone off the deep end and am throwing everything "business" related away...My course work this semester has been a little bit of an overload, I have been blessed to be able to embark on an incredible journey of dating a wonderful guy, I continued to volunteer teach once a month in Raleigh (which required drive time, prep work, and energy), I completed an Undergraduate Research Project through the university, I continued to work at the bookstore, I have church, bible study, college connection, a social life to maintain, and a body to take care of...overwhelmed and stressed these pass few weeks doesn't begin to describe my emotions...Up until last week what was holding me together from melting was the overwhelmingness of my schoolwork...I didn't break because I got myself so rooted in to a schedule I couldn't see anything else, I planned everything out and didn't allow for flexibility...it was almost as if I was living with blinders on and my head was down only seeing a calender. But, let me just tell you...my school work holding me together, the bulk of it, ended last week and I realized just how much the rest of my life had fallen apart. Relationships were tensed and strained. Yes, that is my life falling apart -- relationships being tensed and strained and disconnected. But why did that happen? Because I let it. I overwhelmed myself with being perfect at school that I let the things that mattered most just fall apart...including my relationship with my Savior. Did you catch that little word in there - perfect? Nobody is perfect Lauren. Don't you get that? Obviously not because I was striving for perfection and that striving caused an ugly overwhelming planner mode instead of a beautiful trust mode. Instead of just giving my best to all of those areas and letting the imperfections happen as they should have happened I tried my darndest to keep them covered...to not let them be seen...and in doing so I lost all strength...I became so weary and so tired I still haven't caught up on sleep. And at the end of it all did I reach perfection? Nope, not even close because I am not perfect.
As I was unleashing all of my frustration after I realized how much time I had lost in building the relationships that matter more than anything else because I was so focused on being perfect in the academic/success/american dream world on my dad, he told me two things that hit home in my heart. One is something he always and forever tells me..."Live life. Love God. Do your best. Let God worry about the rest." (failed at that one the past month) Two is something that we have heard a million times but it hit me a little different this time..."Nobody ever says I wish I would have spent more time in the office or on that project or studying for the test. Most people say, I wish I would have taken more time to go fishing, or play soccer, or bake cookies with the ones I love the most." Oh! and one more thing he said that wraps this all together..."Relationships take work." (Man, Dad somehow has really good advice:)) How does this wrap back up to trusting God who "does not become weary or tired..."? Because as long as we give Him our best (not perfection) He will indeed take care of the rest..."He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power." (Isaiah40:29) TRUST GOD. That's what He's saying. Stop striving for perfection and simply just give your best...that's all anyone can ask of you. And you know what that creates when we stop trying to reach perfection on our own? A dependence on God -- a TRUST in God -- to take care of the things we can't. And it allows us to live freely in Christ -- glorying in His power and not our own..."Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." (2 Cor. 3:17)...giving us time -- precious and sweet time -- to build relationships with the ones we love the most because we don't have to stress about being perfect...oh the freedom in Christ...how sweet. How awesome to be able to trust in a Savior "...who has created these stars, the One who leads forth their host by number, He calls them all by name; because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power, not one of them is missing." (Isaiah 40:26)
If the Lord required perfection we'd be sunk in the ocean. But, He doesn't. He does require this "...to act justly, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God..." (Micah 6:8) and you know what else...He's not going to be angry or disappointed in you forever if you fail "...He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in unchanging love." (Micah 7:18) Time and time again we will stumble and fall but time and time again we must remember God doesn't want us to be perfect He simply wants our best...
On His adventure,
Laurlee <3
"But may it never be that I would boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." Galatians 6:14
How many times have you read that passage? How many times have you continued to sit with fear and in disobedience because you could not trust because you cannot see the end? If you're asking me specifically I am in the middle of that type of season in my life right now. There is so much uncertainty and confusion and the worst part is I have absolutely no control over it and for whatever reason I am struggling with getting my heart to trust my God even though I know that "My frame was not hidden from You...Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me...how precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand..."(Psalm 139:15-18). How sad is that? My heart is struggling to trust the "Creator of the ends of the earth..." (Isaiah 40:28) Why? Because, I am struggling to get my mind to stop planning and to just enjoy the moments and the days that God has given me. But why? Because the days are filled with busyness that causes stress that makes my brain, as a planner, run wild with trying to keep everything organized so I don't fall apart. But you know what? I have fallen apart. I can't hold things together...and you know what else? I'm not suppose to. "For the sun rises with a scorching wind and withers the grass; and its flower falls off and the beauty of its appearance is destroyed; so too the rich man in the midst of his pursuits will fade away." (James 1:11) But what does that mean? It means that all of these things that get in the way of me just stopping to enjoy life and completely trusting my Savior who "knows the plans HE has for me..."(Jeremiah 29:11) in the long run aren't what is important even though in the here and now they matter.
Let me give an example of what I'm talking about so you don't think I've gone off the deep end and am throwing everything "business" related away...My course work this semester has been a little bit of an overload, I have been blessed to be able to embark on an incredible journey of dating a wonderful guy, I continued to volunteer teach once a month in Raleigh (which required drive time, prep work, and energy), I completed an Undergraduate Research Project through the university, I continued to work at the bookstore, I have church, bible study, college connection, a social life to maintain, and a body to take care of...overwhelmed and stressed these pass few weeks doesn't begin to describe my emotions...Up until last week what was holding me together from melting was the overwhelmingness of my schoolwork...I didn't break because I got myself so rooted in to a schedule I couldn't see anything else, I planned everything out and didn't allow for flexibility...it was almost as if I was living with blinders on and my head was down only seeing a calender. But, let me just tell you...my school work holding me together, the bulk of it, ended last week and I realized just how much the rest of my life had fallen apart. Relationships were tensed and strained. Yes, that is my life falling apart -- relationships being tensed and strained and disconnected. But why did that happen? Because I let it. I overwhelmed myself with being perfect at school that I let the things that mattered most just fall apart...including my relationship with my Savior. Did you catch that little word in there - perfect? Nobody is perfect Lauren. Don't you get that? Obviously not because I was striving for perfection and that striving caused an ugly overwhelming planner mode instead of a beautiful trust mode. Instead of just giving my best to all of those areas and letting the imperfections happen as they should have happened I tried my darndest to keep them covered...to not let them be seen...and in doing so I lost all strength...I became so weary and so tired I still haven't caught up on sleep. And at the end of it all did I reach perfection? Nope, not even close because I am not perfect.
As I was unleashing all of my frustration after I realized how much time I had lost in building the relationships that matter more than anything else because I was so focused on being perfect in the academic/success/american dream world on my dad, he told me two things that hit home in my heart. One is something he always and forever tells me..."Live life. Love God. Do your best. Let God worry about the rest." (failed at that one the past month) Two is something that we have heard a million times but it hit me a little different this time..."Nobody ever says I wish I would have spent more time in the office or on that project or studying for the test. Most people say, I wish I would have taken more time to go fishing, or play soccer, or bake cookies with the ones I love the most." Oh! and one more thing he said that wraps this all together..."Relationships take work." (Man, Dad somehow has really good advice:)) How does this wrap back up to trusting God who "does not become weary or tired..."? Because as long as we give Him our best (not perfection) He will indeed take care of the rest..."He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power." (Isaiah40:29) TRUST GOD. That's what He's saying. Stop striving for perfection and simply just give your best...that's all anyone can ask of you. And you know what that creates when we stop trying to reach perfection on our own? A dependence on God -- a TRUST in God -- to take care of the things we can't. And it allows us to live freely in Christ -- glorying in His power and not our own..."Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." (2 Cor. 3:17)...giving us time -- precious and sweet time -- to build relationships with the ones we love the most because we don't have to stress about being perfect...oh the freedom in Christ...how sweet. How awesome to be able to trust in a Savior "...who has created these stars, the One who leads forth their host by number, He calls them all by name; because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power, not one of them is missing." (Isaiah 40:26)
If the Lord required perfection we'd be sunk in the ocean. But, He doesn't. He does require this "...to act justly, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God..." (Micah 6:8) and you know what else...He's not going to be angry or disappointed in you forever if you fail "...He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in unchanging love." (Micah 7:18) Time and time again we will stumble and fall but time and time again we must remember God doesn't want us to be perfect He simply wants our best...
On His adventure,
Laurlee <3
"But may it never be that I would boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." Galatians 6:14
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Everything is SOOOOO cliche...
You know that point in life when you are empty, broken, frustrated, and you just want some answers -- those instant gratification answers -- but all anyone can tell you is "Trust God", "Wait on the Lord", "Seek the Lord with your whole heart", "Cease Striving and know that He is God" (oh wait, God says that one...Psalm 46:10 and He also says, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." (Psalm 46:1) Oh, and He says, "The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defense of my life; whom shall I dread? Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:1,14) Oh, and then He says, "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7) but wait, then He says, "Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask of think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." (Ephesians 3:20-21)...okay. sorry. I just wanted to preface this with the words of God, because they hold truer than any of mine ever will:)) Did anyone catch that trend? The truth is the way to find the answers we seek is in fact cliche. The personal stuff -- the next step we should take, the mission we should be on in life, the person that we should become, the person that we should marry, what we should do with our lives, what we should do with our lives -- it's not in black in white. Nobody on the face of the planet can plan it out for you or give you those "microwave" answers. It's going to be hard, it's going to hurt, but yet, it's going to be the most awesome adventure you have ever embarked on if in fact you decide to embark on it with Jesus -- seeking His heart. That's the key...seeking His heart. "Casting all your anxiety on Him..." (1 Peter 5:7) "...being crucified with Christ...and the life that [you] now live in the flesh [you] live by faith in the Son of God, who loved you and gave Himself up for [you]." Galatians 2:20 Those cliche things...they are "instructions" (for lack of a better word) or ideas, or guidelines, or hints, or whatever you want to call them for building that relationship with the Father -- the King of Kings, the Creator God, the Holy One, the WONDERFUL COUNSELOR -- that brings the answers we seek. Huh? That's funny...it's the cliche things that bring the answers. But, how often have I found myself frustrated, not wanting to listen to anyone because they couldn't tell me "Step here", instead they told me, "Seek the Lord"? But oh man! Were they ever right. "You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13...and what's right before that? You know it all to well, "For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.'" Jeremiah 29:11-12 does the Lord get any clearer? He DECLARES that He knows the plan for us...He DECLARES that when we call upon Him and come and pray to Him, He. will. listen. to. us. and then we will find Him...His plans for us will be revealed. Sound pretty cliche to me...but what a promise. And, as weird as this feels to say, because I have always heard, "The Christian life isn't an easy life to live..." I beg to differ. It's easy. Trust God. Seek His face. Cling to Him as your refuge. "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." 2 Corinthians 3:17 "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty" Psalm 91:1. "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God..." (1 Peter 5:7) "So that, just as it is written, "Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord." (1 Corinthians 1:31) When we love someone we want to know the ins and outs the ups and downs of them...we want that good line of communication...we want to know their thoughts...we want the world to know them...we want to build our relationship beautifully and we do it using the "tools" that we have been taught our whole life. When we love God do we use the "tools" He has given us to have a "good line of communication"...to understand His thoughts to the extent that we can...to let the world know who He is...to get to know Him intimately..."so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:17-19 It may be cliche...but they aren't human words...they are the words of the Lord...just sayin' ;)
On His adventure,
Laurlee <3
P.S. just for kicks here's one for the road that my daddy always tells me...
Live life. Love God. Do your best. Let God worry about the rest. :)
On His adventure,
Laurlee <3
P.S. just for kicks here's one for the road that my daddy always tells me...
Live life. Love God. Do your best. Let God worry about the rest. :)
Sunday, January 16, 2011
A Radical Life
You want a radical life? A big life? A life that does great things? Then do it. Well duh! That's what you've been hearing lately right? Go and do great things. Sell all you have and follow Jesus. Go to a foreign country. Live that life that God has for you.
Do you know how frustrating that is for a kid in their 20's to hear day in and day out? Well, maybe it's just as frustrating if you're 34, 37, 42, 46, 57, 68, 72...but if you haven't experienced the frustration because you are living "that" life or you are content where you are serving Jesus where you are let me just tell you, it's more frustrating than being on a diet at a Christmas party and not being able to eat the scrumptious looking carrot cake smothered in cream cheese icing that is sitting on the table right in front of your face. Don't the "old guys" who keep preaching this at us understand that that is the life most of desire to live? Don't they get that we want to follow Jesus? I can't wrap my head around if they do or not because somebody needs to start preaching the depths of that message -- the how, the when, the why -- before all of us go crazy. Or, maybe they have and up until this point, I for one, have chosen to be deaf to it or just haven't open my heart to the reality of it. But, let me tell you what I have discovered lately...
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