"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth DOES NOT become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." -Isaiah 40:28-31
How many times have you read that passage? How many times have you continued to sit with fear and in disobedience because you could not trust because you cannot see the end? If you're asking me specifically I am in the middle of that type of season in my life right now. There is so much uncertainty and confusion and the worst part is I have absolutely no control over it and for whatever reason I am struggling with getting my heart to trust my God even though I know that "My frame was not hidden from You...Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me...how precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand..."(Psalm 139:15-18). How sad is that? My heart is struggling to trust the "Creator of the ends of the earth..." (Isaiah 40:28) Why? Because, I am struggling to get my mind to stop planning and to just enjoy the moments and the days that God has given me. But why? Because the days are filled with busyness that causes stress that makes my brain, as a planner, run wild with trying to keep everything organized so I don't fall apart. But you know what? I have fallen apart. I can't hold things together...and you know what else? I'm not suppose to. "For the sun rises with a scorching wind and withers the grass; and its flower falls off and the beauty of its appearance is destroyed; so too the rich man in the midst of his pursuits will fade away." (James 1:11) But what does that mean? It means that all of these things that get in the way of me just stopping to enjoy life and completely trusting my Savior who "knows the plans HE has for me..."(Jeremiah 29:11) in the long run aren't what is important even though in the here and now they matter.
Let me give an example of what I'm talking about so you don't think I've gone off the deep end and am throwing everything "business" related away...My course work this semester has been a little bit of an overload, I have been blessed to be able to embark on an incredible journey of dating a wonderful guy, I continued to volunteer teach once a month in Raleigh (which required drive time, prep work, and energy), I completed an Undergraduate Research Project through the university, I continued to work at the bookstore, I have church, bible study, college connection, a social life to maintain, and a body to take care of...overwhelmed and stressed these pass few weeks doesn't begin to describe my emotions...Up until last week what was holding me together from melting was the overwhelmingness of my schoolwork...I didn't break because I got myself so rooted in to a schedule I couldn't see anything else, I planned everything out and didn't allow for flexibility...it was almost as if I was living with blinders on and my head was down only seeing a calender. But, let me just tell you...my school work holding me together, the bulk of it, ended last week and I realized just how much the rest of my life had fallen apart. Relationships were tensed and strained. Yes, that is my life falling apart -- relationships being tensed and strained and disconnected. But why did that happen? Because I let it. I overwhelmed myself with being perfect at school that I let the things that mattered most just fall apart...including my relationship with my Savior. Did you catch that little word in there - perfect? Nobody is perfect Lauren. Don't you get that? Obviously not because I was striving for perfection and that striving caused an ugly overwhelming planner mode instead of a beautiful trust mode. Instead of just giving my best to all of those areas and letting the imperfections happen as they should have happened I tried my darndest to keep them covered...to not let them be seen...and in doing so I lost all strength...I became so weary and so tired I still haven't caught up on sleep. And at the end of it all did I reach perfection? Nope, not even close because I am not perfect.
As I was unleashing all of my frustration after I realized how much time I had lost in building the relationships that matter more than anything else because I was so focused on being perfect in the academic/success/american dream world on my dad, he told me two things that hit home in my heart. One is something he always and forever tells me..."Live life. Love God. Do your best. Let God worry about the rest." (failed at that one the past month) Two is something that we have heard a million times but it hit me a little different this time..."Nobody ever says I wish I would have spent more time in the office or on that project or studying for the test. Most people say, I wish I would have taken more time to go fishing, or play soccer, or bake cookies with the ones I love the most." Oh! and one more thing he said that wraps this all together..."Relationships take work." (Man, Dad somehow has really good advice:)) How does this wrap back up to trusting God who "does not become weary or tired..."? Because as long as we give Him our best (not perfection) He will indeed take care of the rest..."He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power." (Isaiah40:29) TRUST GOD. That's what He's saying. Stop striving for perfection and simply just give your best...that's all anyone can ask of you. And you know what that creates when we stop trying to reach perfection on our own? A dependence on God -- a TRUST in God -- to take care of the things we can't. And it allows us to live freely in Christ -- glorying in His power and not our own..."Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." (2 Cor. 3:17)...giving us time -- precious and sweet time -- to build relationships with the ones we love the most because we don't have to stress about being perfect...oh the freedom in Christ...how sweet. How awesome to be able to trust in a Savior "...who has created these stars, the One who leads forth their host by number, He calls them all by name; because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power, not one of them is missing." (Isaiah 40:26)
If the Lord required perfection we'd be sunk in the ocean. But, He doesn't. He does require this "...to act justly, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God..." (Micah 6:8) and you know what else...He's not going to be angry or disappointed in you forever if you fail "...He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in unchanging love." (Micah 7:18) Time and time again we will stumble and fall but time and time again we must remember God doesn't want us to be perfect He simply wants our best...
On His adventure,
Laurlee <3
"But may it never be that I would boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." Galatians 6:14
