Homesick :(

I am going to be 100% transparent with you: I am homesick.  My heart aches and tears regularly fill my eyes longing to be home.  Home isn't where my parents live and it's not necessarily where I was born (although I do love that place too).  No, home is where my relationship with Jesus started and ten years ago God uprooted my family and moved us across the United States from and ever since then my heart has longed to "go home".  But how can my heart long so much and hurt so bad to be home when I know and believe that I needed to be uprooted and separated to become the woman that I have become and further still will become?  My relationship with Jesus started at home but it became real when God uprooted me.  I have grown and am thriving.  The opportunities I have had and am presented with are gifts.  To see the fingerprints of the Lord in my life over the past ten years -- it blows my mind. But then why do I long? Why do I struggle to be content here?  Why hasn't this become home?  Why do tears still flow and why does my heart still ache when I know that I needed to be here?  Why do I still want?  I don't know.  I don't know the answer to any of those questions.  But, I do know and was reminded this morning that "The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want...He leads me beside quiet waters...He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake...Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." (Psalm 23) I cannot live in want.  I have got to embrace the moments of today and live in them for the glory of the Lord until He brings me to His house -- my everlasting home.  I have a year and a half left until the next step in my life (graduation from college).  Until then I have got to choose daily to be content and seek the Lord's path of righteousness for my life "for His name's sake."  Because isn't life all about His glory?  Aren't we here to live for the glory of the Lord whether we like where we physically are or not?  I may not ever know the answer as to why my heart still hurts and why I still long to be home but, I do know that I am here -- in North Carolina, at Appalachian -- for the glory of God.  Home was comfortable -- this is not.  This has been a daily battle (filled with blessings but a battle nonetheless) to be content here.  I know that home has changed a lot. And, I know that if God let me go home it wouldn't be the same.  I know that here is preparation for where God takes me next and unless I choose to be content and live for the glory of the Lord daily I will always long to be home.
     
Oh Father, 
Would you bring peace to my heart and joy to my soul and teach me to be content where I am.  "Restore my soul, guide me in the path of righteousness for Your name's sake.  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.  I fear no evil for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me...My cup overflows.  May goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." Psalm 23.  You have been so good to me.  The person you have made me and are making me is exciting.  Would you nurture me and melt my heart to rejoice in who you are.  Thank you Father for holding me close and drawing me near when my heart aches.  Oh Father, how I love your name.  Jehovah Jireh.  El Shaddi. My Shepherd.  In the sweet name of Jesus I pray, Amen. 

To choose to be content.  It's not easy but it is a blessing.  I will choose to rejoice where I am.  Homesick or not.
On His adventure
Laurlee <3