I'm not an expert blogger. I'm not an expert writer. But, I enjoy sharing. I enjoy telling others what the Lord has placed on my heart. So, I guess you could say I'm an expert enjoyer. :)
Lately there have been two simple messages that the Lord has pressed on my heart.
1. You are my daughter. I love you. You are beautiful because my glory radiates within you.
2. You are blessed with a husband who loves you yet, the period of waiting you went through I want to use because I have other precious daughters who are there now.
Tough messages -- both of them. Because I'm a daughter of the King of Kings and the King Himself hand wrote my story to share with others, the enemy is telling me my words will mean nothing. My story means nothing more than anyone else can say. I am just another girl who fell in love and is living a fairy tale.
But, if the Lord gave it to me. I'm by all means going to share it.
For starters I just want to say: "I'm blessed and I know it BUT the period of waiting I went through was a painful process. I have at some points never felt so alone. Never felt so angry. Never been so confused. Never been so anxious. Never cried so many tears. Never prayed so hard. Never had to wait so patiently. BUT, it was all so worth it."
Before the Lord could bless me with the very one I desired the most (and boy did the Lord bless me immensely) He had to be the one I desired the most. You see the Lord absolutely knows when you're ready for your husband to waltz in to your life, sweep you off your feet, and live happily ever after. But, it takes preparation. It takes adornment. Sometimes, it may even take a season of aloneness. I'm going through a study by Beth Moore right now called Breaking Free. This week she has been reminding me that before I am Matt's bride I am the Lord's bride.
I remember plenty of nights since the time I was about 16 that I would cry myself to sleep because I didn't have a boyfriend. Or, days that I would call my dad in sobs because I was too fat, too intimidating, too ugly, too loud, too ________ (fill in the blank) and that I was never going to get a boyfriend. I have notebooks upon notebooks filled with prayers for my husband (for his safety, what I wanted him to be like, that he was happy, that he was waiting for me, etc.) but I also have those same notebooks filled with prayers about this guy or that guy or the other guy. The Lord never answered them -- except for the ones about my husband. His answer to my prayers about all those boys was, "No." And the tears continued. And the hoping pressed on. And the anxiety, agony, aloneness just seem to linger about in my life for what felt like an eternity. But sometime between all those emotions I began to pray that the Lord would prepare me for my husband and my husband for me. I began to pray that the Lord would write our love story with His very pen and it would be so beautiful that only He could get the glory for it. Oh sister, write our story did the Lord ever -- and, only He can get the glory for it. Yes, I am a daughter of the King. Yes, He loves me. Yes, He had to have my full attention before anyone else could have it otherwise I would never have been prepared for my groom.
You see, before I could accept the affirmation of my earthly groom, I had to accept the affirmation of my heavenly Groom. Before I could be given to my earthly groom, I had to give myself, in full - heart, soul, mind, and strength - to my heavenly Groom. Because, only when I realized, "Such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves...our adequacy is from God, who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant..." (2 Cor. 3:4-6) could I have the confidence that Matt wanted in a wife. You see, the relationship we long for with our mate is intimate. How better prepare ourselves for an intimate relationship with our husband, than by being in one with our creator God -- the designer of intimate relationships.
To be honest, an intimate relationship with your husband takes work (I'm finding that out and I've only been married 40 days). It's hard. It has its moments of agony. It has its tears. It has its joys. It has its moments of glory. Its fun. Its exciting. Its scary. Its laughter. Its love at its finest (2 Cor. 13:4-8). And so does an intimate relationship with your Savior. If you want it you have got to give it your all. And let me just say this, both of them, Jesus and in the Lord's timing, your husband, will fight for you. Don't you worry sister. But first, prepare yourself. Let the Lord teach you to dance before you try it on your own.
On His adventure,
Laurlee <3
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