What In The World???

"Your love never fails. It never gives up. It never runs out on me." 

-One Thing Remains by Jesus Culture

That line in that song is enough to bring a body to their knees, eyes to tears, and a heart to a breaking point -- at least it was enough to bring me to my knees, my eyes to swell with tears, and my heart to break. I don't deserve that unending love that never fails. I don't deserve a love that never gives up on me. I don't deserve a love that never runs out on me. But, He's given it to me and He's given it to me freely. The grace in that blows my mind. Why in the world would a perfect God humble himself to the form of a baby to be ridiculed, persecuted His entire life and then beaten, crucified, placed in a nasty tomb only to go through hell and conquer death so I never have to experience it? Why? Why would He do that? Because He loves me. HE loves me. HE LOVES me. HE LOVES ME. He said here is my grace it is sufficient for you. So then, why is it so difficult to give that same love and same grace to other believers? If God was willing to give you a love that never fails, never gives up, and never runs out, why in the world do we struggle to extend it to our brothers and sisters in Christ? It's easy to extend it to non-believers because "they don't know the truth of the gospel" -- it's kind of like we give them a get out of jail free card --but, when it comes to extending that grace and that love to the ones that God has already let experience His grace and love we don't do it. Does anybody else besides me find that incredibly heart breaking? What if we chose to love always? What if we chose to put our feeling aside and extended the grace and the love to everyone? What would our world look like? Doesn't everything start within the "home"? If we can't extend the grace that we've been given to our own "family" then is the grace that we extend to our "friends" genuine or is it that "bless your heart" kind of grace? Why do we draw lines when Jesus never did when it came to His grace and forgiveness? (I understand that sometimes lines do need to be drawn, but I don't think they ever need to be drawn when it comes to His grace and forgiveness. He forgave the sinner on the cross next to Him for crying out loud. He forgave those that persecuted Him. He forgave Paul. He forgave Judas. He forgave His brothers. He forgave ME!) I know you don't want to let people walk all over you, but that is completely different than giving grace. Giving grace is giving people that second chance that you don't think they deserve. It's forgiveness. It's loving your enemies. It's being kind when you really don't want to be because you've been hurt. It's understanding how raunchy you are, how great God is, and living by the same grace that you are saved (and if you ask me, part of living is giving...i'm just sayin').  What if we went on a journey to experience what it means to live like Jesus? It's not enough to know what it means. You must live it, experience it, enjoy it. I'm going. You want to join me? 
On His adventure,
Laurlee <3

It's okay...really...it's okay

If you've met me for five minutes you will be able to tell that I am a planner -- at least for the long term, "big stuff" that everyone wants to encourage you to see it through because they don't want to crush your dreams even though a little reality is probably a good thing.  But, the every day stuff...well I kind of live that by the seat of my pants. (Weird? Yes, but I'm beginning to realize that it's the little things that make a person a person and that characteristic is just part of who I am.) If you would have asked me last week what my future plans were I could have rattled off about 3 different graduate school options and that I want to work within the community educating them somehow or maybe even obtain my Ph.D so I can teach on the university level, or write a cookbook, or somehow work with women who are fighting eating disorders, or maybe even working with children in a pediatric setting fighting the obesity epidemic that is plaguing our nation, or...you get the point.  I had about a eighty-five different ideas of what my life could be, where it could go, and what it could do.  But then I was spending time with Jesus last Monday morning and it was then that His still small voice said, "It's okay.  It's okay that you don't know what your next step is. I do. Relax and enjoy these moments. Do the things you want to do because you enjoy them not because you have to." In that moment an overwhelming peace flooded my heart because it's true.  It is okay that I don't know the next step after I graduate. What is important is that I live my life now -- daily -- for the glory of God. This doesn't mean become lazy because God is going to do the work for you because He won't.  It simply means that you work towards the goal -- whatever your goal is for your life -- but, if the Lord takes you a different direction join Him and shout Hallelujah! The relief that brings to my life -- Oh. My. Stars. I feel like I can breath again. The pressure to have this resume and portfolio with this list a million miles long with accomplishments is gone.  There is no longer a feeling in my heart like I have to "give up" living life to get to the next step.  Because what if God chooses to completely change my heart and put me in the schools teaching? Or what if He chooses to bring a guy in to my life who has an amazing idea planned for an awesome adventure serving the Lord and graduate school just doesn't fit with that? Or what if He has me obtain my master's in nutrition and my R.D. license?  Or what if He chooses to let me be a mom to a million kids (maybe run an orphanage)? Or what if He has me become a Pop-Star (okay, maybe not...but...)? My point is, I can plan all I want to. I can think about it, stress out about it, talk about it all I want to but it's not going to solve anything.  It's still just going to be a pile of possibilities. So why not just relax and enjoy the moment. Enjoy the breath of the day the Lord has given you and work towards something you might enjoy doing for the rest of your life until the Lord shows you something else? To be okay with not knowing...it's something I never thought I would experience, but I am and it's AWESOME (because it's from the Lord).I can't wait to see where He makes my next footprint but, until then I choose to trust Him and smile about the days ahead because let's face it as long as your smiling you at least look good ;)
On His adventure,
Laurlee<3

Random thought...

If God was a pitcher, His famous pitch would be a curve ball...

And then He would tenderly ask, "Are you going to strike out or let me teach you to hit a grand slam?"

On His adventure <3
Laurlee

Homesick :(

I am going to be 100% transparent with you: I am homesick.  My heart aches and tears regularly fill my eyes longing to be home.  Home isn't where my parents live and it's not necessarily where I was born (although I do love that place too).  No, home is where my relationship with Jesus started and ten years ago God uprooted my family and moved us across the United States from and ever since then my heart has longed to "go home".  But how can my heart long so much and hurt so bad to be home when I know and believe that I needed to be uprooted and separated to become the woman that I have become and further still will become?  My relationship with Jesus started at home but it became real when God uprooted me.  I have grown and am thriving.  The opportunities I have had and am presented with are gifts.  To see the fingerprints of the Lord in my life over the past ten years -- it blows my mind. But then why do I long? Why do I struggle to be content here?  Why hasn't this become home?  Why do tears still flow and why does my heart still ache when I know that I needed to be here?  Why do I still want?  I don't know.  I don't know the answer to any of those questions.  But, I do know and was reminded this morning that "The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want...He leads me beside quiet waters...He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake...Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." (Psalm 23) I cannot live in want.  I have got to embrace the moments of today and live in them for the glory of the Lord until He brings me to His house -- my everlasting home.  I have a year and a half left until the next step in my life (graduation from college).  Until then I have got to choose daily to be content and seek the Lord's path of righteousness for my life "for His name's sake."  Because isn't life all about His glory?  Aren't we here to live for the glory of the Lord whether we like where we physically are or not?  I may not ever know the answer as to why my heart still hurts and why I still long to be home but, I do know that I am here -- in North Carolina, at Appalachian -- for the glory of God.  Home was comfortable -- this is not.  This has been a daily battle (filled with blessings but a battle nonetheless) to be content here.  I know that home has changed a lot. And, I know that if God let me go home it wouldn't be the same.  I know that here is preparation for where God takes me next and unless I choose to be content and live for the glory of the Lord daily I will always long to be home.
     
Oh Father, 
Would you bring peace to my heart and joy to my soul and teach me to be content where I am.  "Restore my soul, guide me in the path of righteousness for Your name's sake.  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.  I fear no evil for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me...My cup overflows.  May goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." Psalm 23.  You have been so good to me.  The person you have made me and are making me is exciting.  Would you nurture me and melt my heart to rejoice in who you are.  Thank you Father for holding me close and drawing me near when my heart aches.  Oh Father, how I love your name.  Jehovah Jireh.  El Shaddi. My Shepherd.  In the sweet name of Jesus I pray, Amen. 

To choose to be content.  It's not easy but it is a blessing.  I will choose to rejoice where I am.  Homesick or not.
On His adventure
Laurlee <3

"On my way home today, I was thinking..."

For those of you who don't know me -- or much about me -- i am a thinker. Not just your normal thinker either. Nope. I think hard -- so hard sometimes I wear myself out thinking. So, as you can imagine the beginning to this is "On my way home today, I was thinking..." but bear with me, I don't think it will wear you out to much:). 

On my way home today, I was thinking that when I have my own home I want it to be a place of warmth -- a refuge -- a place people can come and just hang out to get away from life and be around a family that loves each other (and of course enjoy a meal or at least some cookies:)).  Why is that such a big deal right now? It's not, it's just what I was thinking about on the way home today.  But, in all seriousness I say that because I only have ideas of directions my life could take. But how do you figure out what path your life is suppose to take? Obedience. Listen to the voice of God. Seek His face. One step at a time. Trial and error. All answers we have heard before -- and I'm not about to say anything different -- because they are all true. So the real question becomes how do you get your heart and your mind and your soul to harness that as truth and for crying out loud to stop thinking about it and just enjoy every moment of the experience?!?!  Well. You could do some yoga and drink some tea. Or, you could still yourself before the Lord (with a cup of tea:)) and release all of those crazy thoughts and dreams that you have in His presence digging through His word.  I know what you are thinking. "I've heard that a thousand times."  Well, have you tried it? Or, are you to good for that? Forgive me for being harsh but I'm being harsh because I frequently find myself in the mindset of "I've got this under control. I know what I want. I'm going to get it."  But the truth is I don't have anything under control -- that's why my life becomes overwhelming-- I try to plan too much for the future. When I come back to the place of the Lord, in humility, realizing once again that I am a child of grace and I can do nothing on my own but everything in my life is a gift of His grace -- well, the Lord, Jehovah Jireh (the Lord will provide), begins to put all the pieces of the puzzle in place and life starts to come together -- the Lord does provide...for real.  It takes a life committed to obedience -- just like Abraham was obedient to the Lord's plan of sacrificing Isaac, we must be obedient to the voice of the Lord.  He may not be calling us to sacrifice a child, but He is speaking to us in some way -- through opportunities, through experience, through others -- and we must be obedient to Him.  And then, just like the Lord provided a lamb so Isaac wasn't sacrificed -- the Lord will fill in the missing pieces. Oh the beauty of His grace. How wonderful. 
On His adventure <3
Laurlee

The Place You Never Should Have Left

I prayed for humility this morning and I realized God had already begun to answer before I prayed for it.  All of my flaws were surfacing this week from others around me. It's not a bad thing. Just a pride swallowing, humbling thing -- that hurts for a minute and then you are down on your knees "in the place you never should have left".  How many times have you heard that one before? But really, I never should have left. On my own I am nothing. I was flipping through my notebook in class today and I found a journal entry I had written at the beginning of freshman year.  It made me smile because it put me back in the place I never should have left. It went like this:

Every teenage girl has hopes and dreams.
None expect to be stripped of all things the year that is suppose to be one of the greatest of her life.
Looking back she realizes it was everything it was suppose to be -- great.
She realized that the struggles taught her what it truly means to delight in the Lord.
She learned how to solely rely on her Lord and King.
She learned what it means to know God's best is yet to come. 
She leaned what it means to have patience so God could achieve "perfection" in her life.
And all this happened only so she could joyfully move forward and experience the blessings of God. 
But she realized that blessings -- while they are so wonderful -- they can be detrimental to her faith.
Although she realizes the blessing are from God and she thanks God every day for them God was no longer her sole desire. 
She lost sight of the one who blessed her, who held her, who knows the best plans for her.
It was all because of her selfish, earthly desires.
A backward step -- it is what it takes to refocus her heart. 
She can see the past more clearly.
It allows for a fresh start. 
It allows for the learning of God's patience again in order for Him to achieve His "perfection" in her life.
Her heart becoming solely His once again.
And once again Him being her only hopes and dreams. 



I'm not a teenager anymore, but I still have hopes and dreams and selfishness still hinders me. I get up off my knees to much. I still lose sight of the One who knows what's best for me all because I want things now instead of remembering God's best is still yet to come. It may not hit you as hard as it did me -- I don't expect it to -- but when you're done just think about it. What is keeping you from the place you never should have left?
On His adventure <3
Laurlee

Live Life

How do I feel about blogging? I'm not sure. I wish I could change the font choices because I feel the ones listed are too bloggerish, but other than that I think this is going to be a wonderful adventure. That's is what my life is -- an adventure. The best part is that it's not my adventure. I'm simply along for the glorious ride.  Lately, the Lord and I have been on a journey discovering (well me discovering and Him teaching) what it means to live life.  It has been awesome (which by the way, I only use the term awesome to describe the things of God, because let's face it, He is the only one who can make us truly stand in awe.  If things of this world or people in this world make you stand in awe by their own strength, well, this is completely judgmental and I'm sorry, but you need to get a life and experience the wonder of the Lord...I'm just sayin'...).  You may be thinking, "Laurlee, really? Live life? Everyone lives life." No, I mean really live life -- by faith.  The world is telling me I have to "do life" (that word do makes it feel more like a chore than an adventure) in a certain way, but you know what Jesus says, "...One thing you still lack; sell all that you possess and distribute it to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven; and COME, FOLLOW ME." Luke 18:22  Come and follow me, Jesus says. I used to think that that statement was not applicable to my life because Jesus is not physically on earth to follow any more, but boy, was I wrong. That statement is just as literal to me today as it was to Jesus then. I can choose to do life as the world tells me is appropriate for success -- undergrad, masters, a possible Ph.D, job, marriage, kids -- or I can choose to live life  by faith, following Jesus, on His adventure... "If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:15  I'm not sure where my life will take me. There are plenty of place I can see myself going on this adventure -- some with degrees and some without any necessary -- but one thing I know for sure: I will choose to serve the Lord and live by faith. Will you join me on the journey? Take the adventure with me and Jesus? Lets rediscover what it means to live by faith! It will be awesome!
On HIS adventure <3
Laurlee


P.S. That's why my Mimi calls me and I just thought it sounded like the name of an adventurer :)